Just like a husband !!!

  A man feared his wife wasn't hearing as well as she used to
and he  thought she might need a hearing aid. Not quite sure how to
approach her,    he called the family Doctor to discuss the problem.
 
 
 
The Doctor told him there is a simple informal test the
husband    could perform to give the Doctor a better idea about her
hearing loss.
 
 
 
  Here's what you do," said the Doctor, "stand about 40
feet away    from her, and in a normal conversational speaking tone see
if she hears  you. If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until
you get  a  response."
 
 
 
  That evening, the wife is in the kitchen cooking
dinner, and he was  in the den. He says to himself, "I'm about 40 feet away,
let's see what    happens." Then in a normal tone he asks, 'Honey, what's for
dinner?"
 
 
 
  No response.
 
 
 
  So the husband moves closer to the kitchen, about 30
feet from his    wife and repeats, "Honey, what's for dinner?"
 
 
 
  Still no response.
 
 
 
  Next he moves into the dining room where he is about 20
feet from    his wife and asks, "Honey, what's for dinner?"
 
 
 
  Again he gets no response.
 
 
 
  So, he walks up to the kitchen door, about 10 feet
away.
"Honey,    what's for dinner?" 


Again there is no response.
 
 
 
  So he walks right up behind her. "Honey, what's for
dinner?"
 
 
 
  (I just love this)
 
 
 
  "Ralph , for the FIFTH Fuckin' time, CHICKEN!"

An Irishman was terribly overweight, so his doctor put him on a diet.
Doc advises: "I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day,
and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you
should Have lost at least 5 pounds."

When the Irishman returned, he shocked the doctor by having lost nearly
60 POUNDS!

"Why, that's amazing!" the doctor said, "Did you follow my
instructions?"

The Irishman nodded..."I'll tell you though, by Jesuz, I t'aut I
wasgoing to drop dead that 3rd day."

"From hunger, you mean?"
"No, from fuckin' skippin'" the Irishman said..

Will somebody get the England cricket team an Australian coach I think he or she would sack the present team and start again with a team from some local school  ,probably all from West Indian  Asiatic or antipodeans extraction But they will want to play and most of all they will want to win. Because as sure as eggs are eggs the public school prats we have got playing for us now are taking the whole country for  ride. They have spent the whole winter living it up in luxury  pissing it up the wall and losing. {Perhaps its time for the poms to bribe their way to a few wins just to give the paying public a bit of a lift.} Its time for us to join the cheats .  Enough of this  play up and play the game   crap.The  English team were booed off the park on Tues. In short they just rolled over to a bunch allegedly cheating match fixers .Who on this occasion didn’t even have to bother to put the in fix.   The team they were playing couldn’t be bothered to play .Maybe the English had a few clues about my suggestion of sacking the lot of them?.   Time to join the cheats get us an Australian coach who wants to win no mater what way, fair or not just win... Lol