The doctor said, "Joe, the good news is I can cure your headaches. The bad news is that it will require castration. You have a very rare condition which causes your testicles to press on your spine and the pressure creates one hell of a headache. The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles."

Joe was shocked and depressed. He wondered if he had anything to live for. He had no choice but to go under the knife.


When he left the hospital, he was without a headache for the first time in
20 years, but he felt like he was missing an important part of himself. As he walked down the street, he realized that he felt like a different person.

He could make a new beginning and live a new life.
He saw a men's clothing store and thought, "That's what I need... a new suit." He entered the shop and told the salesman: "I'd like a new suit."

The elderly tailor eyed him briefly and said, "Let's see... size 44 long."
Joe laughed, "That's right, how did you know?"

"Been in the business 60 years!" the tailor said.

Joe tried on the suit, it fit perfectly. As Joe admired himself in the mirror, the salesman
asked, "How about a new shirt?"
Joe thought for a moment and then said, "Sure."
The salesman eyed Joe and said, "Let's see, 34 sleeves and 16-1/2 neck."
Joe was surprised, "That's right, how did you know?"
"Been in the business 60 years!"

Joe tried on the shirt, and it fit perfectly.
Joe walked comfortably around the shop, and the salesman asked, "How about some new underwear?"
Joe thought for a moment and said, "Sure."
The salesman said, "Let's see.. size 36."
Joe laughed, "Ah ha! I got you, I've worn a size 34 since I was 18 years old."
The salesman shook his head, "You can't wear a size 34. A size 34 would
press your testicles up against the base of your spine and give you one
hell of a headache."

New suit - $400
New shirt - $36
New underwear - $6
Second Opinion - PRICELESS

  A man feared his wife wasn't hearing as well as she used to
and he  thought she might need a hearing aid. Not quite sure how to
approach her,    he called the family Doctor to discuss the problem.
 
 
 
The Doctor told him there is a simple informal test the
husband    could perform to give the Doctor a better idea about her
hearing loss.
 
 
 
  Here's what you do," said the Doctor, "stand about 40
feet away    from her, and in a normal conversational speaking tone see
if she hears  you. If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until
you get  a  response."
 
 
 
  That evening, the wife is in the kitchen cooking
dinner, and he was  in the den. He says to himself, "I'm about 40 feet away,
let's see what    happens." Then in a normal tone he asks, 'Honey, what's for
dinner?"
 
 
 
  No response.
 
 
 
  So the husband moves closer to the kitchen, about 30
feet from his    wife and repeats, "Honey, what's for dinner?"
 
 
 
  Still no response.
 
 
 
  Next he moves into the dining room where he is about 20
feet from    his wife and asks, "Honey, what's for dinner?"
 
 
 
  Again he gets no response.
 
 
 
  So, he walks up to the kitchen door, about 10 feet
away.
"Honey,    what's for dinner?" 


Again there is no response.
 
 
 
  So he walks right up behind her. "Honey, what's for
dinner?"
 
 
 
  (I just love this)
 
 
 
  "Ralph , for the FIFTH Fuckin' time, CHICKEN!"

When the Irishman returned, he shocked the doctor by having lost nearly
60 POUNDS!

"Why, that's amazing!" the doctor said, "Did you follow my
instructions?"

The Irishman nodded..."I'll tell you though, by Jesuz, I t'aut I
wasgoing to drop dead that 3rd day."

"From hunger, you mean?"
"No, from fuckin' skippin'" the Irishman said..